How I Landed on Earth (probably)
— by Ryokuu
Okay so, like...
I wasn’t born on Earth, obviously.
I crash-landed here after a minor incident involving a malfunctioning microwave satellite (it was not my fault) and an overcooked burrito.> “Wait, do burritos even exist in space?” (They do. They orbit around the Snack Nebula. Don’t fact-check that.)I was originally part of an elite squadron called the Feathered Oblivion (name pending), trained to deliver emotional devastation via glitchy visuals and high-volume nonsense.
Our mission? Bring chaos to the multiverse... but make it aesthetic.Then — BOOM.
Someone (probably me) pressed the big shiny red button labeled
DO NOT PRESS UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE BANISHED TO THE STINKY PLANET.
(Spoiler: It was Earth.)I fell through seventeen dimensions, passed a cloud that smelled like strawberries (might’ve been a gas leak?), and landed inside a dumpster urban atmospheric waste containment unit behind a 7-Eleven.
(It was warm. I stayed there three days. No regrets.)Since then, I’ve been:
• stealing WiFi from pigeons
• uploading YTPMVs and chaos compilations
• trying to figure out how Earth taxes work (what is a “receipt” and why do people scream when they lose them??)Some say I’m here to save the world.
Others say I’m just here to make cursed edits and eat chips shaped like triangles.
...They’re both right.Anyway, if anyone finds a glowing feather with interdimensional coordinates engraved on it, please return it.
(Or don’t. I look hot in hoodies now.)Ryokuu out.
Definitely possibly an alien.
Probably your problem now.